Students were reportedly “crushed” this week after coming to the realization that their beloved mascot, the wolverine, is not just a “fancy, long word for wolves.”
This realization came upon senior Jake Lawson after looking up the word “wolverines” and discovering pictures of a rodent-like creature in place of the expected pack of wolves.
“I was in shock,” reported Lawson. “I just assumed ‘wolverine’ was a lengthy word for a wolf. Like how ‘chem’ is short for chemistry. I just feel like the school is misleading us.” Lawson later claimed his beliefs were encouraged by the fact that other schools sometimes use the word “mustang” as a fancy word for horse.
Other students were shocked and betrayed after learning that wolverines themselves are not in fact a cooler version of a wolf.
“I always pictured wolverines as massive, glowing mega-wolves,” stated sophomore Anne Moreno. “Just like regular wolves, but with a little more flair. Turns out, they look more like badgers.”
At press time, students were
seen pretending the school’s
mascot was a wolf anyway.