Wolverines Actually Not Just Fancy Word For Wolves

A wolverine that looks nothing like a wolf at all.
Students across campus were seen scrapping their wolf costumes for next week’s football game.

Students were reportedly “crushed” this week after coming to the realization that their beloved mascot, the wolverine, is not just a “fancy, long word for wolves.”

This realization came upon senior Jake Lawson after looking up the word “wolverines” and discovering pictures of a rodent-like creature in place of the expected pack of wolves.

“I was in shock,” reported Lawson. “I just assumed ‘wolverine’ was a lengthy word for a wolf. Like how ‘chem’ is short for chemistry. I just feel like the school is misleading us.” Lawson later claimed his beliefs were encouraged by the fact that other schools sometimes use the word “mustang” as a fancy word for horse.

Other students were shocked and betrayed after learning that wolverines themselves are not in fact a cooler version of a wolf.

“I always pictured wolverines as massive, glowing mega-wolves,” stated sophomore Anne Moreno. “Just like regular wolves, but with a little more flair. Turns out, they look more like badgers.”

At press time, students were
seen pretending the school’s
mascot was a wolf anyway.

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