It was reported last week that in efforts to curb the latest spike of coronavirus cases, Engineering sophomore Alex Osmann is practicing social distancing by “getting absolutely zero bitches.”
Osmann’s friend Sara Hayward explained that he has always been someone who takes public health very seriously. “I mean, even before COVID came around, you could see Alex staying six feet away from women at all times.”
“He doesn’t even party, just on the chance someone there might be sick. I’ve never seen him talk to a woman, probably out of fear of spreading a pathogen. It’s so considerate of him,” said Hayward, elaborating on Osmann’s social life, or lack thereof.
Osmann stands firmly by his dedication to do his part in combating the spread of COVID-19. “I’m not afraid to go to parties or talk to girls. I just think that it’s my duty as a citizen of the community to do my best and try to curb this thing. If avoiding intimate or intimidating social situations with any female is a byproduct of that, I guess that’s a sacrifice I just have to make.”
At press time, Osmann was seen on his phone explaining to his Tinder matches how he was not “cripplingly awkward,” he just could not meet in person because of COVID and was also too busy to video chat.
