President Biden sent shockwaves across the nation today, as he announced to a packed White House press room the details of his bold new plan to “Just Let The Country Keep Doing Its Thing.”
“Absolutely no thought or detail has been spared in the painstaking construction of this new initiative,” said the President, boldly slamming his fist on the podium. “We decided it was time for some real change, a policy that will shape the United States for decades to come. So, ladies and gentlemen, time to fend for yourselves for once.”
“We poured over all the best economic and political research, compared countless progressive policies, and developed a complete list of every policy that the Democrats can successfully implement. Ultimately, that list contained zero items,” Biden continued, hurriedly reading along. “So this next chapter, this new bold plan, will be to keep doing exactly what we are doing now.”
At press time, Biden was seen singing to himself, “just keep swimming” repeatedly.