Bivouac To Host “Pluck Your Own Canada Goose” Night

A woman holding a freshly-plucked Canada Goose in front of Bivouac
Bivouac promises to offer a $5 discount on the normally $1200 coats during this special evening.

In response to criticism over the inflated prices of designer winter parkas, Bivouac, a local outdoor apparel outfitter, has announced dates for an upcoming “Pluck Your Own Canada Goose” night.

“We really just wanted to give back to the community,” said store manager Kathleen Sykes. “We understand that some people are just so poor they can’t even drop $900 on a single article of clothing, so we’re hoping this event can help get some of these needy souls into a jacket more appropriate for this campus’s social and meteorological climate.”


Seats for the workshop, which is scheduled for next week, filled up in five minutes. Following this response, the store has announced plans for a “Unearth Your Own Archeopteryx” and “Peel Your Own Jack Wolfskin” nights.


While the community’s reception to this event has been mostly positive, some disapprove of the store’s attempt to reach a more socioeconomically diverse customer base.


“There are far better ways to get good quality coats into the hands of those in need,” commented sophomore Ashley White. “My parents did not spend hundreds of dollars on my jacket just for me to look like everyone else,” added the

Chi Omega sister. Doubling down on their commitment to the community, Bivouac has promised to source exclusively local geese, and will allow participants to use as many diag squirrel pelts as they like.

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