College Student Sad They No Longer Young Enough To Be Prodigy 

A college student playing piano at a keyboard.
“What’s the point of having talent if you’re not a child?” said Feldman.

Sherry Feldman, a freshman at the University of Michigan, is “sad” that she is no longer young enough to be considered a prodigy. 

Feldman’s family reports that she was actually an average piano player when she was younger. “Sherry hoped that because she could play ‘Hot Cross Buns’ when she was only eight years old she might go viral on social media,” said mother, Mary Feldman. “But, it turns out that most eight year olds can learn how to play three notes in succession.” 

“Ellen will never love me or want me on her show,” reported a disheartened Feldman. “When I was in high school, I still had hope that I could develop a super skill, and Ellen would tell everyone I was only in high school, and they’d be sad at how little they’ve done at their old age. Now, I’m in that old age.” 

Feldman’s roommate Marnie Randall reported that Feldman does still play the piano but with much less hope now. “She likes having a talent, but feels it’s useless if it won’t get her on America’s Got Talent,” reports Randall. 

At press time, Feldman was seen soberly playing “Fur Elise” in the South Quad lobby. 

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