Cool Drowning Death Reduced To Lame “Boating Accident”

Large river between a rocky canyon, presumably where the drowning occured.
Carson’s family reported that not honoring him as a “water war hero” was an insult to his memory.

The family of 48 year-old George Carson, who perished after being swept away by whitewater rapids in the Colorado River last month, is reportedly “disheartened” to learn that their beloved George’s “badass” drowning death has been recorded by authorities as a simple “boating accident”. 

“It sounds really pathetic,” said Carson’s daughter Loretta Carson. “Calling it a ‘boating accident’ makes it seem like he just toppled off the boat rail all whoopsie-daisy-like, or like he bumped his noggin while the boat was rocking. He literally drowned after an epic struggle with the rapids.”

Sources confirm Carson did not fall off of the boat and, in fact, entered the river by choice. 

“‘Boating fatality? The boat had nothing to do with George’s death,” said Reggie Carson, George’s brother. “He got swallowed up by monster rapids, got dragged through huge rocks, and even fell down a waterfall. He didn’t go through hell and back just to be disrespected as a mere ‘boating fatality’.”

At press time, the Carson family was seen petitioning for Carson’s cause of death on his death certificate to be changed to “eaten by water” in an attempt to beef up George’s legacy.

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