Crumbs In Bed Just Sleep Pulp

crumbs in a bed
In the same study, scientists found that dirty socks on the bed are just “sleep zest.”

A recent study out of Cornell has found that food crumbs in bed are “just sleep pulp.”

“Getting your eight hours is an entirely different experience with crumbs,” said sleep scientist Amy Tralford. “Up to 80% of your dream content is directly influenced by the micro-disturbances, or ‘crumbs,’ touching your body. Those of us who sweep the crumbs out of our beds before we sleep are losing a lot of the productive effects of dreams.”

The study followed ten near- sleep individuals, of which half were instructed to eat a Philly Cheesesteak in their beds before falling asleep, while the other went to bed hungry. According to researchers, the results between the two groups were “immediately obvious.”

“I dreamt about my late mother and she finally told me she loved me,” said one anonymous participant, who ate a Cheesesteak. “I really needed to hear that.” Another participant, who slept in a clean bed, claimed, “I didn’t really dream anything, it was like dreaming of a big black void. It was nothingness. I am nothingness. I woke up hungry and empty.”

At press time, sources say artists are eating massive amounts of bread, granola, and chips in bed to stimulate creativity.

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