Shortly after declaring himself “the best fucking Worldler at this university,” sources reported that area man Bryant Connors was “not very good at anything else.”
“I mean, he’s good at the Wordle. I don’t think he’s ever gotten it in more than three tries,” said roommate, Daniel Pine. “But he’s getting straight C’s and stockpiling used dishes in his bedroom like he’s trying to start a china shop.”
Lily Chalmers, a sophomore who was briefly romantically involved with Connors, was similarly skeptical of his other abilities. “I’m not sure he’s even read a book before, and the other day he unironically said the phrase ‘the Statue of Libertarian’ after I asked him what he was talking about in his history class,” said Chalmers.
“I am so fucking good at Wordle,” said Connors when reached for comment. “If you could only see me now, Mom and Dad! Still think I’m wasting my life on an English degree now? Estranged? Sorry, that’s more than five words, not sure I know that one.”
At press time, sources reported seeing Connors in the Union carrying a large stack of heavy books and slipping on hundreds of spilled marbles.
