Professor Roger Hartwell, a professor of Constitutional law and history at the University, was recently seen giving a lecture about the signing of the United States Constitution which “seemed like a first-hand account.”
“I think Professor Hartwell has to be at least 300 years old,” commented April Jameson, a student in Hartwell’s class. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew all this because he was alive on September 17th, 1787.”
Dr. Hartwell allegedly gave “bits of trivia on the Constitution that [students] couldn’t verify on the internet,” before “coughing up dust”. The professor allegedly re-buckled his shoes before going on an in-depth rant about how James Madison breathed too loudly, and was later heard grumbling about how “Rutherford B. Hayes was “nicknamed ‘Ruthie,’ but everyone conveniently forgets that.”
The historian was seen adjusting what witnesses call “a powdered wig” before class ended. Charlie Smith, a student in the class, was heard telling his classmates that “that guy is so old, he probably watched as Jacob Shallus engrossed the iconic “We the People” into the Constitution’s preamble.”
Students were also seen listening intently to hear what Dr. Hartwell had to say about The Three-fifths Compromise.
Hartwell was later seen falling asleep as his students debated the moral and ethical implications of the Virginia Plan and the New Jersey Plan, and what effect they might have had on the world today.
