A recent report from local newspaper The Punxsutawney Spirit states several rodents are currently being interviewed to be the official mascot for Groundhog Day instead of Punxsutawney Phil.
Phil’s uncontested reign began in 1886 and has seen 135 predictions for a continuation of winter, which has also been deemed biased by many.
“If I was woken up from a nap, I’d wanna hit snooze for six more weeks, too,” Punxsutawney resident Linda Tanner reports. “I can’t believe they let that hibernator make such an important decision.”
“Something about this just doesn’t seem right,” Tanner continued. “He’s been around for almost 150 years? And he’s never been replaced? It’s definitely time for a change; his performance is slipping.”
Local weather fanatic, Phillip Edgar, is quite shocked: “He’s something of a legend. My parents named me after him. The last thing I would want is for some common house rat to get the job because then all the
predictions would be entirely random.”
Several complaints have been registered labeling Phil “entitled” and “complacent.” “I’ve never heard of anyone more underqualified for a job,” Tanner complained as she went door-to-door trying to evaluate and groom Phil’s competition.
The Spirit has recently released an advert calling all rodents and similarly shaped mammals. At press time, several chihuahuas and small marsupials were seen trying to sneak an interview spot.
