Nearly three weeks after its initial collision, students studying in the Law Library report that the disruptive “BWONG” of a dropped HydroFlask is still reverberating throughout the space.
According to eyewitness accounts, at around 4:36 PM on February 5th, Freshman Lillian Mallory accidentally pushed her pastel pink Hydroflask off a table, sending it careening to the nearly 100 year-old cork floor. Witnesses report that upon impact, the vacuum-insulated water bottle’ “thunderous ‘THWANG,’” was a major disruption to the typically silent William C. Cooke Legal Research Building.
According to those close to the matter, the situation is becoming increasingly dire. “We’ve tried shushing it, giving it nasty looks, and even passive aggressively telling it to quiet down, but it just won’t listen,” lamented Library Director Kinkaid Brown. “As librarians, that’s just about all the tools in our toolbox.”
Following the incident, Mallory was observed hastily exiting the building towards her East Quad dorm. Since then, she has not been seen, and unconfirmed reports indicate may have transferred to the University of Alaska, Fairbanks.
The University’s Department of Facilities and Operations has installed hundreds of square feet of sound-deadening foam, but critics report that this incident proves their efforts unnecessary.
At press time, Facilities and Operations Associate VP Hank Baier reported, “At this rate, we estimate it may be weeks until the building is usable again.”
