Students Lining Up For Skeeps In 12-Degree Weather Like Fired Depression-Era Laborers In Breadline

The students were seen clenching their ID’s like they were “the last nickels from the tea tin.”

Students in the two-block line for Scorekeepers Sports Grill and Pub on Thursday night reported “a sense of kinship” with jobless populations in the Great Depression waiting for bread.

“The desperation we all feel… it’s unmatched,” said one James Dennyson, one student in line. Eyewitnesses report seeing the students looking “forlornly” at the door with their heads down and their hands in their pockets.

“They’re all just out there in the cold, waiting for sustenance. I feel horrible,” reported one bouncer, Mike Frost. “I wish I could help them all right now, but there’s too much demand.”

Bartenders reported that their supplies were reportedly “running low” as the number of desperate, thirsty students keeps increasing throughout the semester.

“I’m just surviving at this point,” reported Catherine Zemlak, who stood in line for two hours last Friday. “This is my last and only option for a good night out.”

At press time, Scorekeepers was seen putting a special on a new drink called the Lentil Soup.

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