“Surely He Won’t Notice If I Take One Egg,” Report Five Separate Roommates

A housemate sneakily stealing an egg
The five separate roommates all considered texting in their group chat first to ask for permission, then abandoned the idea because it “seemed weak.”

Sophomore Steve Little was shocked Monday morning upon opening his carton of eggs to find half of them gone, after all five of his housemates reportedly snuck “just one” out of the carton in their shared fridge.

“I really didn’t think he’d notice. I mean, it was just one, and I really needed it for that breaded air fryer chicken I was making,” commented housemate Erin Stanton. “How was I supposed to know that literally everyone in the house had the same idea?”

Other housemates refused to comment, but were later observed guiltily pulling up Venmo to pay Little for “egg I took.”

For Little, the constant thievery of clearly labeled items in the shared fridge showed levels of disrespect he’d never seen before.

“It’s just really disappointing,” Little reported. “What if I wanted to make an eight-egg breakfast? I wasn’t planning on it, but what if I was? Now it would only be a seven-egg breakfast. It’s so inconsiderate of them.”

At press time, Little was seen stealing “a dash” of his housemate’s milk for his Kraft Mac N’ Cheese, a move that was described by housemates as “just continuing the vicious cycle.”

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