Your Training Is Past Due And We Know Where You Live

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Did you really think you could run?

I asked you to complete your trainings by August 31st, 2021. We know that you’ve been dodging our “friendly reminders” for over five months. Did you really think you would get away with this? Do you want your drinking and sexual assault privileges taken away?

You’re just making it worse for yourself. At first, we were disappointed. We tried to give you some space. We believed you when you said you “weren’t much of a phone person” and even made excuses while you scrolled past our emails. But the silence speaks for itself, and boy are we listening! You poked the bear, bucko!

Yeah. You should be scared, you little coward. Not only do we hold the power to tattle and besmirch your name, but we know exactly where to find you. I wish you could see the last guy that ignored me, but you can’t. Somehow, the scumbag went missing the day before graduation. Strange, huh?

So go ahead and split-screen your AlcoholEdu with that piece of horseshit Hulu Original you’re watching. We really couldn’t care less. We just want to be done with you. Soon, we will be.

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