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Waitress Bringing Out Free Little Cake Knows Damn Well It Not Actually Your Birthday

Local sources confirm that the waitress at T.G.I. Friday’s last...

  • Mar 23, 2022

“Free Speech And Open Platforms For Discussion Are Vital For Democracy,” Says Known Bed-Wetter, Charlie Kirk

In a series of tweets last Thursday, conservative talking head and...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Paranoid Much? Painting That Was Definitely There Before Continues To Hang Inconspicuously and Unremarkably On Wall

Uh, hello? Are you done staring yet? You’re saying that painting on...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Fast Food Employee Really Excited Customer About To Order Off Secret Menu

Local fast-food employee Meghan Hadfield was reportedly “super...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Shoplifter Super Buff

Weightlifting fanatics around the country were “shocked” last...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Mold In Bathroom Probably Green For Saint Patrick’s Day

Junior Madison Berry is reporting that the mold growing in her...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Report: Panera Gave You End Of Baguette Because They Hate You

Reports are coming in that Panera employees specifically save the end...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Area Man Way Too Stupid To Be Playing Chess

Ann Arbor resident Cameron Schmidt was seen playing chess in Burns...

  • Mar 23, 2022

Report: Numbers Living Under Square Root Symbol Have Better Housing Than 68% Of U-M Students

According to a report released on Wednesday by the Ann Arbor Tenants...

  • Mar 23, 2022
Man on bus having speakerphone conversation

Silent Bus Held Hostage By Person On Loud Speakerphone Call

Last Wednesday, passengers on an 8pm Commuter South bus were “held...

  • Mar 23, 2022
University of Michigan Mason Hall

University Apparently Not Large Enough For Dance Groups To Practice Anywhere But Mason Hall Lobby

University officials have confirmed that, as of last Tuesday, the...

  • Mar 23, 2022
Bloody Mary bathroom mirror

Report: RA’s Primary Job To Patrol Bathroom At 3 AM, Prevent Bloody Mary Summonings

According to documents leaked from the Residence Halls Association,...

  • Mar 23, 2022
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