According to drivers on Washtenaw Avenue, it appears that the local combination Verizon store-slash-Satchel’s BBQ has recently begun collaborating on “5G smoke signals to improve user connectivity in the Ann Arbor-Ypsi area.”
The unexpected project finds its inspiration in the close proximity of the Washtenaw Ave. Verizon branch and the Satchel’s BBQ, which shares the commercially leased property and adjoining parking lot.
Witnesses first reported general confusion regarding the experimental communication network method. One motorist, Sybil Sheppard, said, “At first, I thought the Verizon was burning down in a really delicious smelling fire. Then I noticed employees in both companies’ uniforms fanning the smoke into the sky. I guess they’re in the same building for a reason.”
Recognizing the public’s unfavorable reactions, representatives from Verizon and Satchel’s released a joint statement: “Many patrons were originally unsure about our businesses’ choice to move into the same building, but we assure you, our new 5G smoke signals will more than make up for the thin coating of brisket grease unfortunately deposited on every touchscreen device in our store.”
Although the press release answered some initial questions from Ann Arbor locals, some residents are convinced by the project’s optimistic concept. “A barbecue place shouldn’t be using their smokers for this! They should have better things to do,” said Washtenaw Avenue resident Trent Charles, 33, unaware of the “5G deliciousness” that had reportedly been “packed in” to his order of wings.
At press time, the combination Verizon-Satchel’s BBQ was seen conspiring to advertise their new premium “Wireless Spare Ribs.”
