Happy St. Patrick’s Day! But Don’t Forget All The Green-Dyed Beer In The World Won’t Make You Forget What Happened In Minneapolis, August 6th, 2013

Smiling and laughing group of people doing cheers with glasses of green beer

Top o’ the mornin’ to ya lads and lassies! I hope yer all havin’ a wondrous St. Patrick’s Day and I hope ye’s all havin’ a proper bit of fun.

Ye’s better make sure that yer wearin’ green, lest ye’s want to get pinched. Pinched. Just like like ye wanted to be pinched to make sure it wasn’t a dream what happened on that dark road late at night comin’ home from the bar. “Just one more beer,” ye told yerself. “Plus, they’re all green and fun. I can take it.” Well could ya, buddy?

Make sure yer drinkin all the Guinness ye can can muster, and eatin’ all the corned beef yer stomach can take. Corned Beef. Stomach. God, ye hit that poor bastard so fast that’s what was left of ‘em looked like. The police could barely identify the bloke. Good thing though, could you have lived with yerself if ye knew who it was?

Anyways, I wish ye all a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day and I hope the Luck o’ the Irish is on yer side. Luck. Just like the luck that fell upon ye nine years ago when the cops ruled it an accident. Didn’t even charge ye with nothin’. Not even manslaughter. Chalked it up to a bear attack. But I ain’t never seen no bear leave no skid marks…

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