Report: RA’s Primary Job To Patrol Bathroom At 3 AM, Prevent Bloody Mary Summonings

Bloody Mary bathroom mirror
RAs across campus were seen creating bulletin boards with advice on how to safely summon demons off-campus.

According to documents leaked from the Residence Halls Association, it’s been revealed that the primary job of the RAs in University dorms is to patrol bathrooms in the early morning to prevent the summoning of Bloody Mary.

Per the documents, along with “building community” and “maintaining safety and security,” a key responsibility of RAs is to “patrol communal bathroom spaces from the hours of 1 AM to 4 AM doing everything within their power to prevent the name “Bloody Mary” from being chanted in front of a mirror three times.”

“They made a big fuss about this at orientation, but I don’t know any RAs that enforced it,” commented a former RA. “These demon summonings aren’t as big of a deal as the university makes them out to be, and students are pretty responsible when holding these unholy séances. My philosophy was that as long as I couldn’t hear or see it, I let it slide.”

“Everyone knows that calling forth demons from The Beyond is part of the college experience,” remarked Freshman Michaela Cooley. “The University shouldn’t police this so hard. Instead, they should put more resources into creating safe environments for students to build responsible poltergeist conjuring habits.”

In a statement released following the leak, University Housing commented, “the safety and well-being of students is the top priority of our resident advisors. It is well documented that invoking demons from the ether is not conducive to a safe and welcoming campus environment.” No indication was made that this policy would change.

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