Shoplifter Super Buff

Mandy was seen struggling to move a store.

Weightlifting fanatics around the country were “shocked” last Tuesday to see how “buff ” shoplifter Grace Mandy was after lifting a Costco.

One spectator, Charles Haner, reports, “I mean, I knew she had to be totally jacked to be lifting all of those shops, but I didn’t expect her to be that ripped.”

Mandy’s shoplifting practices have not been without controversy. Many believe that shoplifting is a gateway to kleptomania, and disrespectful to both store owners and minimum-wage employees.

“We have a very strict no-shoplifting policy here at the Gap,” reported Gap manager Ken Willis. “It’s disrespectful of Grace to just come in and shoplift. After the building was lifted off its foundation, ‘Gap’ became a lot more literal.”

“I was hoping the talk would be about my drive and hard work, not my appearance,” commented Mandy after her record-breaking feat. “I had to lift tons of Sunglass Huts before trying to lift a Costco. Why don’t they talk about that?”

At press time, Mandy was seen lifting Forever 21 off of a 22-year-old.

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