Study Confirms 100% Of Domesticity Just Hugging Partner From Behind In Sunlit Kitchen

Picture of a couple romantically hugging in a sunlit kitchen
The study found that perfect couples also enjoy holding hands and laughing in the park.

A recent study from Dartmouth has confirmed that 100% of domestic life is just “hugging one’s partner from behind in a sun-lit kitchen, usually to the smell of bacon or pancakes.”

The six-month-long study, which includes input from over 9,000 married couples, has confirmed that sunny morning cuddles are “absolutely all there is to marriage, besides wearing a ring.”

“Historically, the roles of men and women in heterosexual domestic settings have been separated, with men doing outside work, and women being in the kitchen,” said social scientist Darcy Guerrera. “Today, we’ve found that contemporary domesticity involves both partners in the kitchen.”

The study also found that successful marriages are associated with the person being spooned “wearing an oversized sweater and or using both hands to hold a mug of hot coffee or tea.”

The study has relieved some newlyweds’ worries about domestic life being “complicated” or “a constant work in progress.”

“It’s good to know when I’m getting into when I say ‘I do,’” said bride-to-be Kayla Schaefer. 

The study contradicts suspicions that domesticity is just “giving a little kiss” on one’s partner’s forehead.

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