Toddler On Campus Must Be Some Sort Of Prodigy

young child in tree
Fischer was also seen later on campus with a colorful pair of keys, presumably trying to find where he parked his car.

Student eyewitnesses who observed toddler Max Fischer scampering around on the Diag last week all reported that, since he was on campus, he “must be some sort of prodigy.”


“I saw him being pulled in a wagon outside East Hall,” said LSA sophomore Katie Rockwell. “He must have been heading to some classes there. Probably a math major.”


Campus demographic researchers confirmed the hypothesis that any toddlers on campus property must be academically gifted. “Given the fact that everyone on the university campus is either a student or professor, roughly from the ages of 18 to 22 or 45 to 65, there is no other feasible reason for a toddler to be in Ann Arbor,” said research assistant Sarah Adler.


“I’ve seen him mostly with his mom and dad,” said Gabe Howell, who has frequently crossed paths with Fischer. “I honestly had no idea it was parents’ weekend.”


While Fischer could not be reached for comment, there have been additional sightings of gifted youngsters around the college town, causing some confusion as they were reportedly in “yellow blue buses.”


At press time, Fischer was holding his mother’s hand, presumably giving her a tour of campus.

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