During his weekly Facetime call with his mom this Tuesday, Engineering senior Philip Trainor emphatically claimed that he “can’t wait to graduate” at the end of this semester, despite the fact he will spend the next ten years of his life in academia.
“I’m so glad it’s finally April, and I’m almost done with college,” Trainor said to his underclassmen friends. “I’ve suffered through four whole years of this shit. Now, I can get my diploma and move on to endlessly toiling for the next one.”
When asked about his eagerness to finish his Bachelors, Trainor stated that “getting this degree is the only thing standing between me and getting another degree, then getting another degree, then hopefully getting a good job.”
Despite his proclaimed excitement for commencement at the end of the month, Trainor has admitted he has some mixed feelings about leaving his undergraduate days behind so soon: “I am gonna miss pulling those all-nighters in the library with my study group. Once I’m in grad school, I’m probably gonna be pulling all-nighters with a different study group in a different library.”
At press time, Trainor was seen checking his student loan balance.