Freelance Costco free sample critic Shawn Dumpey came to the realization that his life was “a sad, sad joke” upon slipping on a banana peel early Wednesday morning and injuring himself.
The accident occurred as Dumpey was on his way to pick up his medication at a drugstore for an unspecified “problem near my lower back area,” which sources cite as a rare and aggressive form of leprosy, as he was later heard sobbing in the men’s bathroom of the drugstore.
A discussion with Dumpey’s family members revealed that his life “paralleled the existential angst even uncaptured by the most profound theorization of agony beyond the grasps of absurdism and straight into the realm of an unquenchable anguish.”
“Shawn doesn’t even really understand how sad his life really is. We’re keeping the secret from him that his knock-knock jokes were so banal last year that his own aunt had to get up to sob quietly in the kitchen as to not be heard,” reports Shawn’s mother, Tamara.
Shawn Dumpey currently attends the University of Michigan and is enrolled in the College of Engineering.
