British Students Accuse Martha Cook Tea Parties
Of Cultural Appropriation

A culturally appropriated Martha Cook Tea Party
British students called it “culturally inaccurate” that the leader of the party had been in power longer than 6 weeks.

This past Friday, British international students gathered to protest Martha Cook dormitory’s weekly tea parties, accusing them of cultural appropriation.

The protestors organized an “anti-tea party,” meant to parody American students’ late night snack runs and highlight the inauthenticity of Martha Cook tea parties. The display featured an intoxicated EECS student devouring a quantity of Insomnia Cookies that onlookers called “medically impossible” and “a crime against God.”

The organizer of the protest, Emily Baker, explained her concern that Martha Cook was misrepresenting an important British cultural ritual. “It’s heartwarming that Americans want to connect with their British roots, but authentic British breakfast tea shouldn’t come in compostable teabags. It should come as a finely cut loose leaf farmed through violent colonialism.”

Commenting on the Venus De Milo replica, Baker added, “traditionally, Brits avoid artificial recreations of artifacts and prefer to steal the authentic versions from native cultures.”

Shannon Sheufelt, a Martha Cook representative, argued that the dorm’s tea parties are cautious to accurately present British culture. “We considered opening our tea parties up to general admission but we decided their exclusive nature better reflected Britain’s arbitrary border control policies.”

Most British students were unable to attend the protest, as they are still in their scheduled hibernation following the Queen’s death.

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