Doctors Without Borders Acquire Nurse With A Map

Doctor looking at a map
The organization expects to be fully navigable once they are able to hire a physician’s assistant with a compass.

Sources report that earlier this week, the international humanitarian coalition Doctors Without Borders had filled a previously unfilled job listing for a nurse with a map.


The employment of the nurse with a sense of direction follows the report that 80% of active field doctors have gone missing.


“I’m here to help the people of Syria heal not only physically, but emotionally,” said Doctor Michael Roxburn, currently 20 minutes outside of Sacramento. “You know, I never expected so many people in Syria to speak such good English.”


Field Director Gene Shwartz explained that “Doctors Without Borders members have graduated from some of the most prestigious medical schools in the world, but most doctors don’t have a clue how to find true North and that can’t be fixed with a pain killer prescription… we tried that.”


“The interview process was fairly straightforward,” said Nurse Kyle Higgins. “I just showed them how to get Google Maps off of street view. Nowadays, I’m like any other nurse. I take medical samples, monitor patients, and every thirty minutes I tell the doctors how smart they are.”


At the time of publication, Doctors Without Borders had hired one nurse to assist their 45,000 working field doctors.“ One nurse should be able to help me here in Kenya and my colleagues in South America, as long as they bring me a cup of coffee,” said Cardiologist Ken Remus under a tree in Central Park, New York City.

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