Guys… It’s Time To BeReal 

A group of girls taking a selfie.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! 

Do you little pieces of &^%$ know what fucking time it is? We’ve only got 2 minutes, biotches, so can everyone get it together and look like you’re having fun? Capeesh? 

BeReal WOULD go off right now. Like, it literally always happens at the craziest times. Like, isn’t it crazy that it happened RIGHT NOW when we’re just out here being real as fuck, just being what we be. Like, this is the best part of my day. Correction: this is the best part of ALL of our days. 

Why is nobody smiling? This will be sooooo quick. Just look at me and do what you were doing. 

What do you mean by “this is a funeral”? What does that have to do with BeReal at all? I can’t even understand what you’re saying right now. Did you just say that I am being “deeply insensitive and selfishly interrupting the sacred celebration of life in the wake of such tragedy”? 

What do you mean by “your father would be so disappointed”? Sorry, I must’ve misheard you. I was busy carefully evaluating the best lighting in the room. Could you all do me a quickie and move about two steps to your left? 

Can’t you guys just do this one thing for me? I know that we just met like 20 minutes ago. I know that I haven’t done much for the vibe in here. I just showed up, judged you mercilessly, and stalked all of you on Instagram, Facebook, and any other account with minimal security. But can’t you spare me this one kindness? EEEEEEKKK!! One more minute left! I’m so nervous! 

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