Test audiences of a new Law and Order SVU episode have evaluated the installment to be “subpar” on the basis of “nothing super fucked-up happening in it.”
“The run-of-the-mill assault stories just don’t entertain. Most of your standard flashing and groping has even happened to me,” said viewer Angela Morton. “I want to see Richard Belzer explaining to Ice-T what pyrophilia is.”
Viewership researchers have reported the episode to be performing poorly in comparison to stories featuring “multiple personality disorders, serials with quirky habits, and stuff involving kids.” The research team quickly dissuaded initial concerns over the latter topic after finding the target demographic to be women over 50 “only hoping to see something crazy” on daytime TV.
“The best episodes always have something to do with kids,” said Sandra Johnson. “I mean, of course I don’t like when things happen to kids. I’m just captivated by it when it’s fake and on TV.”
“All that happened was a politician hiring an escort. Boring,” said Lacy Parsons. “What if, instead, there was a girl in an illegal relationship with her music teacher who turns out to be her biological father? I’d watch that.”
At press time, the SVU writer’s room was taking advice to shift focus to creating episodes that are “especially heinous.”