Obituary: A Fake Blonde With Real Gingivitis

A blonde teen in a neon pink shirt smiles, showing yellowing teeth.

Beautiful fake blonde Margot Elizabeth Murphy, born February 10th, 1994, passed away in her Ypsilanti home last Tuesday night following a very real bout of septic gingivitis.

She is survived by her sister Marci, 20, who commented, “Margot was so authentic – in every way but her hair. She spent so much time and money trying to convince others the blonde was real that she forgot that other parts of her really were real, and probably required much more immediate attention.”

Margot’s little brother, Ethan, 14, remembers his sister fondly, recalling “Margot dyed her hair? I thought you said she died! Oh…no, you meant both. You meant both.”

“Towards the end, Margot began to lose a bit of her grasp on what was reality and what was fake,” remarked Dr. Elaine Myers, Margot’s dentist. “I told her time and time again that her gingivitis was a serious condition that could have very real health implications, but I think she may have been fixated on the wrong kind of ‘roots.’”

“The dimensional, ashy blonde tone was all smoke and mirrors,” she continued. “But the crippling fear of dental floss was very, very real.”

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