The FDA released a statement over the weekend warning Americans not to eat chunks of spray foam, an action that most citizens “hadn’t thought about eating before, but now that [the FDA] mentioned it, sounds kind of tasty.”
The FDA made the statement in response to the “epidemic” of “at least two” untagged TikToks featuring Americans carving up spray foam with a fork and knife.
“These videos had more than four dozen views at time of writing,” said FDA director Carlos Sanderson in a press conference on Monday. “We knew we had to protect our teens from this dangerous social media trend by issuing a widely publicized national warning statement that explains in explicit detail exactly what not to do.”
“I like to take these do-not-eat warnings as a tasting plate of suggestions,” said teen Jameson Rivers, last seen spooning a Tide Pod into his mouth. “Honestly, I had never considered cooking chicken in NyQuil, but when I heard the FDA issued a warning, I knew I had to try it. Who can say no to that delicious turquoise sear?”
At press time, the FDA was considering issuing a warning against drinking house paint like a milkshake, something they admit “no one has actually done yet, but c’mon, don’t pretend you haven’t at least thought about it.”
