Report: Helicopter Looking For You

Helicopter hovering overhead
Witnesses report that the ambulance heard from down the street is on their way to your house.

Reports have confirmed that the helicopter spotted sophomore Sydney Hughes saw while driving around last week was “absolutely looking for her.”

The paranoid Hughes was returning from the “better” Target near I-94 during rush hour when she encountered a helicopter flying overhead that seemed to be “definitely searching for her.”

“I don’t know what I did, but they do,” said Hughes upon seeing the chopper. “They wouldn’t be this close if they weren’t trying to find me.”

This incident follows numerous of its kind previously reported by Hughes. These events include a knock on her door by someone who was “definitely there to arrest [her],” a cop car driving too close that “must have been trying to get [her],” and a car turning around in the driveway of her home, which was “not there to arrest [her], but had something else suspicious in mind.”

At press time, Hughes was spotted crying over a car horn honk that was not directed at her.

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