Guy Leaving Tip For Waiter Unsure What To Do With Shaft

A man frowns at a restaurant table full of food.

According to sources, restaurant patron Richard Longfellow was reportedly uncertain on what he would do with his shaft after leaving his tip for his waiter.

Upon being handed their receipts following a delicious meal at Outback Steakhouse, Longfellow’s tableside friend, Daniella Perkins, asked if he would “leave a tip for the whole group.” Longfellow was reportedly very confused on how he would utilize the remainder of his penis.

“She said, a good rule of thumb was to leave 20%…so I asked if I could get a ruler,” stated a seemingly bewildered Longfellow. Longfellow allegedly took to the bathroom in order to get the proper measurement in privacy.

“He came back asking for a calculator,” stated Perkins. “We thought he was gonna leave enough gratuity to cover our steaks, but instead he just calculated ‘6 x .20’ on my iPhone calculator app.”

Sources confirmed that, as his friends packaged their meat into leftover containers, Longfellow contemplated what he was going to do with the leftover meat of his own.

At press time, while taking another look at the receipt, Longfellow reported feeling rather insulted by the implications of the small dashed line following the “Tip” prompt at the bottom of the receipt.

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