Over spring break, freshman Joey Taylor returned to his home in Deerfield, Illinois and found, to his dismay, that his old bedroom had been turned into a sex dungeon.
Taylor’s parents, Jill and Bruce, had been wanting to “spice things up” for a while and decided to renovate Joey’s old room with “state-of-the-art” dungeon equipment and gear.
“With Joey off at college, we felt the bedroom he’d grown up and spent his entire childhood in would be the perfect place for our fun little project,” said Jill Taylor, as she kissed her husband on the cheek. “We hope our boy is understanding.”
Joey, who appeared frustrated with his parent’s decision, said that when he first opened the door to the now dungeon, he was struck with a very strange smell that “would undoubtedly scar [him] for life.”
“I just wanted to go home and relax. What the fuck am I supposed to do now,” said Joey, as he narrowly avoided banging his knee on a dog cage. “I wish I would’ve gone to Florida or something.”
Reports also indicate that the Taylor parents plan on bringing a third person to the mix. “Our nest has been empty with Joey gone. Fortunately, we were able to find a guy named Mitchell on Craigslist. We don’t know anything about him, but we’re so excited!”
At press time, Joey was seen struggling to sleep next to a pile of handcuffs, ropes, and chains.
