Panda Express To Finally Serve Panda

American Chinese fast-food chain Panda Express recently announced that it has finally made the long-awaited decision to serve panda meat in all of its 2,200 locations. “This is something that’s made an appearance on customer feedback forms for...

Washtenaw Hermit Crab Gets Up And Leaves

Witnesses have confirmed that the enormous hermit crab residing peacefully at the corner of Washtenaw and Hill has finally up and left. “I was on my way to Luther House when I felt the ground start to tremble beneath my feet,” said sophomore...