Having stayed up until 4:00 a.m. the night before in order to finish a paper, student Ryan Smith took a few hours on Thursday afternoon to savor the fleeting moments between his previous crisis and the inevitable one just around the corner.
Area sophomore Richard Daniels recently announced that he was “a bit fed up” with his housemates’ lack of consideration after he had attempted to leave his dirty dish in the sink only to discover it was already filled with other dirty dishes.
“For a while I was just waiting for my paycheck to post, but then it occurred to me that I’m just about ready to skip town,” said Kirk. “I’m headed back to LA after graduation, and I’m never seeing any of these fuckers again!”
Stating that every last patron had attempted to flirt with someone prior to coming into the restaurant, sources confirmed yesterday that the line in the Pizza House foyer was comprised entirely of rejected lovers. “I was just across the street at...