Desperate Student Looking Up Synonyms For ‘The’

After a grueling ten hours of writing his English 238 paper, LSA sophomore Ryan Graziella has reached the point where he’s looking up synonyms for the word “the.” According to Graziella, once he “gets in the zone,” he has a bad habit of...

Pinball Pete’s Date Could Be Going Worse

Reports emerged late last Thursday that area woman Andrea Johnson’s date at the Pinball Pete’s arcade on South University St. “could be going worse, I guess.” Johnson, a self-described “grown woman,” reportedly shrugged and looked on...