Telling you that he totally hears what you’re saying while steamrolling over your words, sources closely monitoring the situation have reported that “look,” area man Tod Simmons “totally gets it.” “I’m gonna stop you right...

Citing a desire to bolster his final transcript before graduating, LSA senior Lawrence Jacobson has significantly enhanced his GPA just days before commencement by procuring a set of honors cords from the Michiganensian Grad Extravaganza. “I was...

As the temperature increases in Ann Arbor, students are beginning to hate themselves instead of the depressing weather. “When I walk outside, and it’s 50 degrees, I really can say that it’s not so bad here,” proclaimed LSA Sophomore Mike...

Several eyewitnesses have reported that the guy asking you what you’re doing this summer is only doing so because he wants you to ask him what he’s doing in return. “How am I going to tell everyone how much better than them I am if they...

Following an especially sunny day in Ann Arbor, multiple University of Michigan students have reported that the man wearing short shorts in the Diag definitely does not have the legs for it. Witnesses have reported that LSA senior Matthew Baker...