Sources in the Sociology 122 Intergroup Dialogue class claimed that their Professor Vince Romano was interested in hearing from someone who hadn’t spoken yet, and called on newborn baby Liam Lewis to discuss the class material. “I’d like to...

Sources have confirmed that Sara Breen of Ann Arbor decided not to move a wad of human hair from the shower, concluding that her roommate was likely saving the hair for something. Breen reportedly noticed the clump of hair after her shower was not...

The campus-wide emergency stay-at-home order was a shock to many students, but changed little for LSA junior, Eric Samson. “Yeah, I mean, it’s not like I was doing much,” said Samson, recently seen wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, both...

Students in Introduction to Psychology report that everyone in the class is trying to figure out what is in LSA freshman Janet Wallace’s mug. “I really can’t quite figure out what it is,” said fellow student Mitch Zerman, looking...

University of Michigan President Mark Schlissel has reportedly contacted the regents of the university to request a later bedtime. “It’s so unfair! All the other university presidents get to stay up late. And I don’t even get sleepy when...

In response to multiple reports demonstrating an unprecedented peak in mental health crises during the coronavirus pandemic, CAPS will begin offering convenient same-year appointments for students to keep up with the mounting crisis. “We here at...

In response to poor handling of the pandemic by the University of Michigan, officials have determined that“Leaders and Best” will no longer be the school’s motto due to its recent absence of both leaders and bests. Following national coverage...