A new study from the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion has revealed that up to 98% of campus microaggressions reported at the University of Michigan were play-acted at each other by members of the University of Michigan Educational Theatre...

Multiple reports have come in that the guy zooming past you on his motorized skateboard is, in fact, heading to your house to fuck your mom. Raymond Park, the guy in question, reportedly threw on his best Patagonia and hopped on his zooming board...

Reports emerged early last Friday that University of Michigan sophomore Cindy Rieland has made it official with Comparative Literature PhD candidate Arturo McClellan, as if she is just asking to get hurt at this point. “I don’t know how to break...

The LSA Psychology Department has reportedly secured funding for an experimental new psychology study where they waterboard participants in exchange for a $5 Amazon gift card. “Now undergraduate students have the opportunity to earn credit and...

Multiple sources have confirmed that thousands of University of Michigan students opened their email inboxes last Monday evening to discover that their ultimate match is objectively a two. “All my friends got ugly people, and everyone else we know...

Urban Outfitters has announced they are releasing a new collection of bedding — now with the cum stains already added. Sebastian Ramp, a rep for the company, said, “We realize that all of the sheets we sell end up becoming dumping grounds for...

Reports emerged early last week that all-female residence hall Martha Cook was in fact just the elite Massachusetts private women’s college Wellesley, but on the taxpayer’s dollar. “It’s the Michigan difference,” said Creative Writing...