Though several of her friends had invited her to attend social functions on Saturday evening, senior Molly Wile turned down all their offers in favor of “taking some well-deserved ‘me’ time,” which reports claim was “fucking epic.”...

UHS has recently confirmed that each and every student at the University of Michigan has fallen ill because of sophomore Michael O’Sullivan deciding to slip out of the bathroom without washing because they “didn’t look dirty.” “College...

After successfully completing the last of its credit requirements, the Michigan Cube is set to graduate from the University of Michigan having earned cum laude honors for its academic efforts. The Cube, a fixture of the Ann Arbor community, has been...

In a heartbreaking turn of events, local man Jimmy Isbell was found dead in his living room after tragically having too much of a good thing. Isbell, who was known to indulge in good things every once in a while, found himself at the mercy of the...

University of Michigan freshman Liam Cross, 19, is reportedly thrilled with the romantic relationship developing between him and his lab partner, Sophia Lane. Sources close to him report his only complaint with their burgeoning relationship is that...

After completing three laps around the kitchen island in pursuit of the disposal place for his apple core, houseguest John Hardy is reportedly still unable to locate the hidden trash can. “I know it’s somewhere,” reported John as he...

Reports are coming in that your friend, Jessica Keitler, whose life is better than yours by nearly all metrics, will be going out of town this weekend while you stay at home. Sources close to both you and Keitler have confirmed that she could have...