Man using ladel to pour jungle juice into cup

Jungle Juice Renamed Big Alcohol Pipeline

After learning of the horrors of deforestation currently occurring in the Amazon, environmental studies major Max Greentree has changed the name of his famous jungle juice recipe to “Big Alcohol Pipeline.” “I want my drink to fit with the...

Elderly man jogging

Report: Old Man In Arb Walking Fast

Sources have confirmed that an elderly man was spotted walking in Nichols Arboretum at a pace significantly faster than the average pedestrian. “I was walking through the peony garden when I heard rapid footsteps behind me,” said LSA junior...

Frustrated woman

Analysis Of Bad Dream Scarier Than Actual Bad Dream

Recent reports have confirmed that an interpretation of area woman Georgia Simpson’s bad dream was even more upsetting than the dream itself. “The dream alone was enough to freak me out. I was getting ready to go on a trip, and everytime I tried...