Reports emerged late last Thursday that tenured Economics Professor Dr. Jared Hamilton had indeed skipped shaving his scrotum before teaching to his Econ 402 lecture in Lorch Hall earlier that day. Hamilton had made the decision to abstain from...

Although citing he was “more into chill kind of stuff ” when asked about his taste in music, sophomore Mike Kessing admitted has been listening exclusively to the same four Chance The Rapper songs on repeat for the past six months. “I guess it...

Aggregations of student opinions reveal that no one is really sure why the second half of the Subway restaurant in the Union exists. Despite occupying a large portion of wall space in the basement of the Union, students have reported bewilderment at...

Last week, residents of Mich House Co-Op were excited to welcome to their home a brand-new used rug that would “both enliven and enrich” the living room of their asbestos-filled home. Despite the warm reception for the large Tibetan rug, which a...

Sources reported Sunday that LSA sophomore Ilana Dansen was seen watching the Emily Osment show “Young & Hungry” full screen on her Fishbowl computer. “She wasn’t even on one of the computers against the back wall, where you can’t...

Closing the glass shower door behind him, area man Chris Vorwald made use of his roommate’s Dove soap, being careful to take a negligible amount so as to not arouse suspicion. Making a judicious application of the Dove for Men’s Aqua Fresh body...