“The talents and abilities of these people I can’t stand are truly amazing,” said Epps, who noted moral objections to virtually all views expressed by peers and employers at the event while exchanging contact information enthusiastically.

“It’s a real shame, too,” added Dake. “My roommate’s on North Campus until five today, so I could have plugged my computer into the big TV, dropped trow, and really spread out, you know?”

Following a lack of response to his message in his house GroupMe, Reports say that local man Aaron Phillips will most likely “go and fuck self.” Witnesses say Phillips reported to the GroupMe that a local bar, Charley’s, was...

“This guy rushed in and walked straight to the back where the toilet paper is,” Walgreens cashier Ally Rechkemmer told reporters of the man who desperately needed the hygiene product he was aiming to purchase. “He was all the way back in the...

Sophomore Katie Barnes recently reported that her Chem 216 GSI, Craig Olson, had described himself as “fun” and “laid back,” despite not allowing the students to even try and huff the hydrochloric acid.