A recent unsolicited report showed that LSA first-year Sophie Turnbaum “wanted to let you know” that, due to AP credits earned in high school, she is “technically a sophomore.” Despite a noticeable lack of demand for this information, or...

After thorough statistical analysis conducted by the Pew Research Center, it was concluded that nearly all of the nation’s sluts will be so slutty on this year’s Halloween. Head researcher Simon Carruthers spoke with the media last week to...

Sources report that a Bursley-Baits bus, which was born into captivity of the University, died early Sunday morning. University researchers report that the tragic passing has raised important ethical questions about whether blue buses should be...

Sources reported late last Friday that area art kid Samantha Jackson was once again posting zoomed-in photographs of trash to their Instagram account. Jackson’s followers were alerted to the images of miscellaneous waste matter after refreshing...

When Political Science Professor John Maven asked senior Evan Thompson how he spent his fall break, Thompson replied that he traveled home despite the truth that he was actually rolling face in Las Vegas, Nevada. “It was a really relaxing...

Earlier this week, the University of Michigan announced plans to host a slam dunk competition midway through the second general presidential debate to be held at the Crisler Center. “This is a tremendous opportunity for our university community to...

This past Monday, during the second session of Political Science 382, Professor Drake Matthews conducted an icebreaker asking his students to share their name, major, and favorite sex position. “I’ll start,” said Professor Matthews, after...