Sources at last Friday’s UMix have confirmed that LSA sophomore Michael Reeves was clearly only attending the university-sponsored event to get some pussy. “Listen, if I pull up to UMix on a Friday night, I’m not leaving alone,” said the...
Reports are coming in that LSA sophomore Jared Jones is simultaneously the shortest and tallest person in his CLCIV 385 discussion section, depending on whether he is standing or sitting. “The man has an incredibly long torso. When he’s...
A group of resident advisors in the University of Michigan’s West Quad dormitory were forced to bust their own party last Saturday when one of the rambunctious RAs sent a complaint to the RA on duty who was also at the party. RA Lionel Giniari,...
After months of renovation, the University of Michigan finally opened its brand-new hallway to Taco Bell on Monday, January 13th. “The new Michigan Union will offer students access to dynamic spaces serving their diverse needs and interests,”...
As the novelty of their “Bagely” mascot begins to wear off, the University of Michigan Alumni Center has recently announced plans to promote their Welcome Wednesdays events by just hurling bagels at passerby. “Free bagels on Wednesdays!”...