Man With Twin Size Mattress Has King Size Schlong

Sources report that last Friday night, area freshman Samantha Dwyer hooked up with Dave Morgan, a man with a profoundly underfurnished room, but “surprisingly brilliant dick.” “My friends all made fun of me for the next three days after me and...

GSI’s ‘Partner’ Just Lame Straight Guy

This past Friday, English 125 students were disappointed to learn that their GSI’s “partner” was just a lame straight dude. The heartbreaking news came shortly after GSI Sarah Hanson dropped the mysterious word at the beginning of class....

Shitty Condom Obviously From Bucket In Dorm

Last night, an intimate moment between freshman students Craig Wilson and Johanna Beales became exponentially less so the instant Craig retrieved a LifeStyles brand condom from his back pocket. Beales, upon recognizing the soulless green wrapper of...