Weird Roommate Makes Reasonable Amount Of Pasta

According to housemates, LSA junior James Matthews, known for his slightly strange behaviors, was recently seen making a “very reasonable and portion-sized,” amount of pasta. Dave Goslin, housemate of Matthews, told reporters that Matthews had...

Junior Deems It Warm Enough To Half-Unzip Jacket

Gauging the outside temperature as too warm for a full-zip yet still too cold for a full-unzip, junior Raymond Harris deemed it appropriate to half-unzip his jacket on his walk to class this past Thursday. “Campus is finally warming up,” said...

Unprepared Oaf Asks To Borrow Pen

Failing to arrive to his Amcult 275 discussion on Tuesday with any semblance of readiness or professionalism, unprepared oaf Dermott Tobias has reportedly asked to borrow one of your pens. Moments after your professor began writing on the board,...