After appearing on the cover of last Wednesday’s Michigan Daily, a proud President Schlissel was seen hanging a copy of the paper in his office.

Before leaving for Rick’s this past Saturday, LSA junior Lisa Zelewski reportedly wondered whether her outfit was “sexy and empowering” or “slutty and objectifying.”

In a move that many representatives have vowed to fight, outgoing CSG President Cooper Charlton recently nominated Craig Dischman to fill the Angell Hall campus computing site’s recent IT vacancy.

Following a sudden heart attack on Tuesday afternoon, the grandfather of LSA junior’s casual sex partner, Marissa Cohen, reportedly could not have died at a worse time.

LSA junior Matt Copeland was forced to change the Facebook description for his house’s event from “party” to “pregame” last Wednesday after fewer than 30 people RSVPed from a pool of 233 invitees.

Set to open in fall 2016, new luxury apartment building Granite Lofts will reportedly offer students state-of-the-art rooms as well as premium high-rise views of all the financial aid recipients down below.

Female patrons of Rick’s American Cafe are reportedly impressed with management’s efforts to curb centuries of overt sexism by offering free cover for all women every Thursday night.