Following a routine visit to the first floor bathroom of his Kerrytown apartment, LSA junior Peter Williams reportedly pretended to wash his hands in his own sink. After allowing a moment in which he could have just as easily actually been...

While reading the specials at a local Olive Garden, Waiter Jeremy Richards announced that the vegetable of the day was his grandfather, who experienced severe brain damage last May. “Our entrée specials tonight include the Meat-Lovers’ Pizza,...

Numerous sources have confirmed that the girl obstructing your vision in lecture with her giant head is, in fact, doing it on purpose. “At this point, it has to be intentional,” remarked Sarah Washington, the LSA sophomore sitting next to you....

Controversy ensued across the University of Michigan Campus as History Professor Jim Erickson denied one of his students a letter of recommendation to fuck his mother. “I am very sorry to inform you that I cannot grant you my recommendation,”...

Sources reported last Wednesday that the recently-relocated velociraptor skeleton at the University of Michigan Museum of Natural History is having a tough time adjusting to his new environment. “Poor guy’s having a rough go of it,” reported...

Early last week, under the impression that it was a shooting star, area 8-year-old Sandy Altman made a wish on an airplane that was falling out of the sky due to total engine failure. Reports show that Altman made her wish while over 500 passengers...

Dispensing her soothsaying wisdom from atop her hospital bed, wise and all-knowing area prophet Michelle Gronda has proclaimed to the world that her first-born child would be named Destiny. Her Omniscience, who had just gone through a grueling three...