Eyewitness reports have recently confirmed that area fourth-grader Jimmy Collins pushed together two positively-charged refrigerator magnets this past Monday, in a move experts have lauded as pushing the bounds of scientific discovery. The...

Reports confirm that despite area man Tyler Lucero’s previous assertions on social media that his love for God exceeds all bounds, he recently insisted that this bond is completely platonic. A Facebook post by Lucero states that his devotion to...

Witnesses confirm that Laura Jenkins, mother of 16-year-old Tommy Jenkins was quoted to have asked ifshe could “give that video game a spin.” Jenkins was seen poking her head around the corner numerous times as her son gave his...

The audience of a local elementary school talent show were reportedly horrified when they came to the collectiverealization that the young performers actually thought they were talented. “Man, I thought it was all a joke,” said parent Lucile...

A recent report by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration has concluded that an astounding 90 percent of cartoon piano movers are not qualified for their jobs. “These piano movers are getting into accidents at alarming rates.” said...

In an effort to separate themselves from competitors in the bottled water industry, the Coca-Cola Company has announced the release of their newest Dasani product, Mouth Flavored Water. The announcement of Mouth Flavor came after a recent surge of...

Following a nationwide shortage of apples, doctors’ offices around the country are reporting a 74 percent increase in visits now that there is “nothing to keep them away.” For years, experts have preached the importance of the daily apple to...