Amidst a global pandemic, meteorologists have concluded that Ann Arbor’s current weather, averaging in the mid-40s and cloudy, is just the icing on the cake right about now. “It’s my professional opinion that the current climate situation in...

In an announcement last Tuesday, Delta Airlines CEO Ed Bastian revealed the company’s newest rewards program, designed to offer perks reserved exclusively for members of the mile-high club. The rewards program, which will be joining the...

Sources have confirmed that R&B producer Xavier Marshall, currently recording his latest album at ElectricLady Studios, hopes that listeners nationwide will be able to fuck to this one. “I hope it does the trick,” said Marshall, looking...

A recent interview with painter-sculptor Stefan Solinsky has revealed the artist’s greatest muse to just be anyol’ woman standing near him with size-D or -DD breasts. “An artist never knows when inspiration might strike, when his heart will be...

Recent reports have shown that the seashore-based Sally Smith has resumed her business venture of peddling shells. Smith, who has become famous for her vending of the invertebrate exoskeletons, has attributed her financial success to the...

Reports confirm that area fifth grader Lucy Barton pondered life’s cruel injustices after her mom made her write a thank you note to her Nana, who had recently gifted her a new shirt for her birthday earlier that week. “First I have to take off...

Sources have confirmed that local eight-year-old Alex Hershell is “apparently stuck with this hamster forever now” after his school closed indefinitely during his weekend to take care of it. Reportedly, Washington Elementary School Principal...