Witnesses have confirmed that McDonald’s worker John Carpenter is “heroically risking his life” while earning $7.25 an hour to avoid being evicted from his apartment. Sources stated that Carpenter has been working at McDonald’s for a year...

In an effort to streamline its decennial process of collecting data about the American people, the U.S. Census Bureau announced its plans to simply cram the entire United States population into a jelly bean jar and use old-school math to estimate...

After weeks of trial and error while tinkering around the White House on the taxpayer’s dime, Trump sons Eric and Donald Jr. have announced the completion of work on their EasterBunnyCatcher-2000. “The time has come for us to catch that wascally...

Reports confirm that Abraham Michaels, who clogged a toilet with his ungodly dump, blamed the blockage on sub-par plumbing. “You guys really need to get some better plumbing,” said Michaels to Rafael Monroe, the friend in whose house Michaels...

Earlier this week, executives at Walt Disney Animation Studios announced that the company has greenlighted the production of an animated adaptation of its live-action feature film, The Lion King (2019). The new film’s storyline will reportedly...