While doing some work at a local cafe, Eddie Holmes is reported to have looked down at the table and noticed a very short, coarse hair next to him. Sources confirm he was unable to determine whether the hair was an eyelash, beard hair, or pube....

Americans were shocked last Tuesday when Vice President Mike Pence officially renounced conversion therapy, calling the practice “barbaric” and “a violation of basic human decency.” The abrupt change of heart can only be credited, say inside...

Janette Stuart, a loving mother of three, was publicly ridiculed last weekend when a sudden bout of hunger prompted her to remove her shirt and help herself to a nice meal out of her own lactating teat, much to the discomfort of every other patron...

Reports show that Peter Daniels, who usually gets his shit kicked in at 3:00 pm every day by the flagpole outside of Forsythe Middle School, has had tomorrow’s ass-kicking moved to 2:30 to accommodate for bully Greg Freeman’s after-school...

At approximately 9:40 pm last night, a Cameron Valley squad car pulled over a black Mazda, reportedly exceeding the Route 9 speed limit by over 25 mph. After being charged with a DUI, the owner of the vehicle told authorities that he had not been...

Consumers of the Impossible Burger have confirmed that the soy-based patty tastes exactly like real murder. Numerous critics have dubbed the imitation burger as “indistinguishable” from actual meat from animals shoved into cages immediately...

Roommate Garrett Katz felt concerned last Friday that there might be something wrong with the yogurt he had eaten on account of the cup’s sell-by date being written in roman numerals. “Does this smell funny to you?” asked Katz, who, since...