Local Doorman Hot On His Way To Becoming Door

Citing his lifeless demeanor and excellent posture, the Charlavin Hotel has announced that doorman Derek Philips was a top contender for becoming the hotel’s newest door. “Philips is an excellent fit for this role,” said Charlavin owner Rachel...

Mom Can’t Believe How Warm It Got This Week

Citing her utter disbelief at recent weather patterns, reports indicate that your mom simply cannot believe how warm it got this week. “I mean, it was 25 here on Wednesday,” said your mother over the phone, incredulous to the rise in...

Area Man Fucking Sucks At Solitaire

After adopting the popular game as a relaxing distraction from the chaos of everyday life, it is being widely reported that area man Malcolm Bowers fucking sucks at solitaire. Bowers, looking for structure after being dumped by his girlfriend of two...