A University of Wisconsin study has confirmed that at least 95% of bicycle baskets contain an extraterrestrial lifeform. “After conducting multiple experiments, it’s safe for us to say that the vast majority of bicycle baskets contain at least...
In an effort to boost its sales by providing product samples, Ann Arbor’s Whole Foods on West Eisenhower Parkway is reportedly offering sample orange slices for all the people who have never tasted an orange before. “I really appreciate Whole...
Following a company-wide meeting to discuss ways to improve customer satisfaction, popular pizza chain Dominos has decided to update its pizza delivery tracker to allow customers to track their drivers until they have arrived home and are safe in...
News broke on Monday that, in a cruel twist of fate, area man John Potter had forgotten to bring his phone to the bathroom, and was thereby denied any distractions from his body’s disposal of the previous night’s Thai food. “When I have my...
A new study conducted by the American Psychological association has found that gay conversion therapy, the controversial practice of attempting to change an individual’s sexual orientation using psychological or spiritual intervention, is only...
Following your emergency call concerning a broken fan belt in the station wagon, your dad announced that you should “hold on just a second” and “not do anything just yet— has a guy for that.” “Don’t call AAA” said your dad in...
