Reports from weekly family dinner are coming in that, though St. Patricks’ Day has come and gone, Aunt Sally is still pinching people. The behavior began when ten-year-old Nicholas stepped onto the family dinner scene, and could barely get his...

After hinting at his plans to run for governor in Texas, Matthew McConaughey has revealed he will be running for the Republican Party by claiming that his views are “all right, all right, all right.” After the 51-year-old made comments about a...

Sources close to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have indicated that their recently announced second child will “probably just be named James or something like that.” “As many people are aware, there are only ten names or so available to...

Luxury electric car company Tesla has reportedly released a new male performance-enhancing drug under the name “Elongate.” The performance enhancer is advertised to men who “need a little charging up.” Tesla’s website claims that the drug...

This Wednesday, witnesses confirmed that third grader Bobby Linders, standard fat kid, is unaware that classmate Johnny Andil is already friends with another fat kid. Linders has reportedly been talking to Andil for three weeks about his eating and...

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has recently announced that the company will be removing the giant threatening woodchippers from their employee break rooms nationwide. The woodchipper has been a staple of Amazon warehouses since the beginning. They were...

In the midst of continued debates about the ethics of profiting on the incarceration of millions of Americans, the jail from the popular board game Monopoly has made the transition to for-profit. In a move that some Monopoly players are calling...