‘Test Scores Aren’t Everything,’ Reports CDC

As the U.S. surpasses every other nation in the number of confirmed coronavirus cases, the CDC has released a statement reaffirming that “test scores are not everything.” “There’s more to a healthy nation than what test scores alone can tell...

Nature Reclaims Abandoned EPA Headquarters

Following Trump’s indefinite suspension of anti-pollution laws during the coronavirus outbreak, the abandoned EPA headquarters has reportedly been reclaimed by nature. As the nation remains quarantined at home and corporations have been given an...

Mutated Coronavirus Now Makes Old People Stronger

Nursing homes across the country have reported that, though the coronavirus has run rampant through their at-risk communities, residents are becoming more powerful than ever before instead of getting sick. “Things are getting out of control...

Area Dad Spends All $1,200 On The Grill

Area father Hank Johnson confessed last week to spending the full $1,200 of his COVID-19 stimulus check on the backyard grill. While Sarah Johnson, Mr. Johnson’s wife, was hoping to use the cash to contribute to paying off the family’s mortgage,...