Offering an “antipasti” choice of either “crostini misti con ciottoli” or “bruschetta calda all’olio d’oliva e aglio,” it reportedly became clear that the menu at Grazie Ristorante Italiano just expects you to know Italian. “I’m...

In commemoration of many happy years on this earth and many more happy years to come, a red Solo cup is set to celebrate its 1,948,282,283th birthday in the nation’s largest landfill, sources report. “My lab has been tracking the decomposition...

Reports emerged last Tuesday that Ross School of Business junior Mark Hodler’s internship interview with the DeRouter accounting firm was cut tragically short by the small and unimpressive circumference of his right forearm. Hodler’s weak,...

According to friends of area woman Jenna Greene, a self-described “literal Target addict,” the 24-year-old appears to believe that her apparent addiction to purchasing things at the homegoods store is “just the cutest fucking thing in the...

After receiving his yearly flu shot from Walgreens, it has been reported that area man Ben Watson is going to “go ahead and stunt that band-aid for another day or two.” The nurse who administered the vaccine reportedly recommended keeping the...

In an attempt to make suckers and dopes across the country look, wiley tricksters all over the United States are announcing that there’s something on your shirt. “What is that?” asked Odell Perkins, 13, class clown from Cedar Rapids Middle...