‘I Can’t Wait For Layering Season’
By A Girl With Crippling Body Dysmorphia

Fall is on the horizon — the days have been getting colder and the leaves will soon be changing colors. It’s time once again for pumpkin patches and coral cardigans, apple cider and corn mazes. And soon, surely, it’ll finally be...

Would You Like to Touch My Jesus Wand?
The Diag Preacher

Hey kid, come over here for a second. I know you’re in a bit of a rush on your way to class and all, but trust me: what I’m offering you right now is too good to pass up. Set down your bookbag for a minute and give me just a moment of your...

Do You Need A Hand?
A Man With Huge Biceps

I was craning my neck over my bulging bicep and noticed you carrying a bag of groceries that looked a little larger than normal. I want you to know I spent months building up my muscles, and I was wondering if you needed a little boost. I can...

I Fucked Your Mom
Tyler From Xbox Live

Hey, you wanna know what felt even better than going flawless in that free-for-all just now? It was last night, when I fucked your mom. Oh, what’s that over there? I think she left her bra on my futon. No big deal, I’m sure she’ll be back...

I Swear, He Looks Better In Person
A Girl With An Ugly Boyfriend

I promise you — he looks better in person. Pictures just don’t do him justice! I mean, come on, would I really have dated him this summer if he wasn’t cute? He’s just not photogenic. I swear. I can’t even find a good picture of him...