Ever since I joined the paper, people have said that I was basically Michael Jordan. They said, “You are to basketball what Michael Jordan was to basketball.” I’ve also been called the “Mozart of basketball,” the “Neil Armstrong of...
I served as a writer for The Every Three Weekly for (almost) all four years of my time here at Michigan, and I can finally say with total honesty that without another “Brendan” around to challenge my ability or authority, there was never really...
Hey kid, I know you’re new here, but since you’re chill, I’ll let you in on a little secret. You know the HR Department on the 3rd floor? I hate to break this to you—but it doesn’t exist. That’s right, when we say, “We’ll run it by...
Yeah, it’s true. I didn’t get this job because I’m the funniest person on the paper. Or the smartest. Or even the most devastatingly beautiful. Shocking, I know. I am all those things, but that’s not why they made me Editor-In-Chief. They...
Hey man—BLARG, ugh sweet Jesus that’s tart—this isn’t what it looks like. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit what it looks like. Yes, I’m sucking gas out of your Ford Focus, yes, those two gas cans next to me are full of gas I’ve already...
Woah, what’s everyone freaking out about? Is something wrong? Why is that woman screaming? Did someone just get attacked or something? I’m so lost, man. What do you mean, “You’re fucking naked, get out of this airport?” Um, hello? I’m...
The financial world was rocked when news broke that Greenfeld-Ester Investment Group CFO Harry Rice allegedly embezzled $30 million from his company. “I’ve never been in a situation like that before,” reported the alleged HR...