Look, I don’t mean to brag. I know it’s hard coming across someone so far and away hotter than you and walking away with your self-esteem intact. Hell, when I got the chance to see myself in the mirror recently, there was barely anything...

Huh, that’s strange. Ann from marketing signed her email to me “Love, Ann Shields” instead of her company signature. It’s kind of a funny typo. I mean, it’s just such a silly mistake to make. Like calling a teacher ‘Mom’. A...

Fall is on the horizon — the days have been getting colder and the leaves will soon be changing colors. It’s time once again for pumpkin patches and coral cardigans, apple cider and corn mazes. And soon, surely, it’ll finally be...

Hey kid, come over here for a second. I know you’re in a bit of a rush on your way to class and all, but trust me: what I’m offering you right now is too good to pass up. Set down your bookbag for a minute and give me just a moment of your...

I was craning my neck over my bulging bicep and noticed you carrying a bag of groceries that looked a little larger than normal. I want you to know I spent months building up my muscles, and I was wondering if you needed a little boost. I can...

Hey, you wanna know what felt even better than going flawless in that free-for-all just now? It was last night, when I fucked your mom. Oh, what’s that over there? I think she left her bra on my futon. No big deal, I’m sure she’ll be back...

I promise you — he looks better in person. Pictures just don’t do him justice! I mean, come on, would I really have dated him this summer if he wasn’t cute? He’s just not photogenic. I swear. I can’t even find a good picture of him...