A carton of fries, two cups of ketchup, and two Wendy's burgers sit on a tray.

I’m So Much More Than A “Nepotism Baby”
The Great-Granddaughter Of An Irish Potato Farmer Who Just Ordered Fries At Wendy's

Okay, okay, I know what it looks like. You know who my grandpa was, and you see what I’m doing, and I get it, it looks like I have some special privilege. But I swear, I’m different! I worked hard for these. I still had to work just as hard as...

An older, graying man wearing a dark black wig frowns.

Wigs Are Unnoticeable
An 87-Year-Old With Jet Black Hair

Some people say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and those people don’t know what the hell they are talking about. I’ve been around for nearly a century, and I’ve seen a thing or two, but I have never seen a balding person that tickles my...

A man sits at a dining room table eating with kids of varying ages.

I’m Too Old To Sit At The Kids’ Table, Mom
Your 35-Year-Old Cousin Derek

Mom, we’ve talked about this! I’m done sitting at the kids’ table! Look at Uncle Ron’s new stepdaughter Lucy, Mom. She’s just sitting there, picking her nose. And her brother, Paul? Don’t even get me started on Paul. He’s obsessed with...

A man wearing jeans is seen from waist-down operating a leaf blower.

Okay But Like Where Do You Even Want Me To Blow Them
Your Leaf Blower

I’ve been told so many times to blow leaves, but literally nobody has told me where to blow them. Like, blowing them doesn’t get rid of them. My breath isn’t magic, you sickos. Is it a kinky thing? Do you want me to blow them all sexily?...

A pumpkin pie sits on a tiled surface.

Healthy Alternatives To Thanksgiving Dessert
A Pumpkin Pie Who Feels Pain

Thanksgiving is the time of year where families gather around and share a meal together. But if you’re anything like me, the classic Thanksgiving meals just don’t align with the personal health goals I strive to attain. Instead, here are some...

A woman hold a newborn baby to her chest.

Thank You, It’s A Family Recipe!
The Mother Of A Newborn Baby

Oh, you like it? Thank you! It’s a family recipe. A really old one, actually. Goes back millions of years, probably way before the concept of recipes even existed. Tens of thousands of pairs of genes, each paired and entwined every subsequent...