My Formal Resignation
By
Alex Haab

About three weeks ago, our editors created a Buzzfeed quiz that asked, “Which editor of ‘The Every Three Weekly’ are you?” I know that if I were an editor, I would be none other than Ismael Halaweh, and this is a fact. I said to...

I Got Into This Paper On Merit!
By
Suzy Weiss’s Roommate, Sophie Jacobs

I know what you all are thinking— who’s this “Sofie” girl who just applied for “The Every Three Weekly” for the first time her senior year? How’d she get onto this paper?! To those people I say, I am supremely funny and my...

I’m Not A Really Big Cat Person
By
A 5’2” Half Cat-Half Man Hybrid

Let me be as clear as day: I am not a big cat person. In the world of cat people, I would not put myself anywhere near the ranks of big, large, nor huge. It’s not even close. In fact, by looking at the objective metrics for cat personness, it...