Why Are You Out Driving At Three In The Morning?
By
Someone Also Out Driving At Three In The Morning

Woah, what the hell? What are you doing out here so late? Don’t you know it’s three A.M.? It’s too late to be out driving at this time of night. Me, I have an excuse. My son had a soccer game in Cadillac, and we stopped for Burger King on the...

A young woman smiling.

This Is Just Like Lady Bird
By
A Woman Having Sex With A Skinny White Man

Wow, this is just like Lady Bird! I’m having sex with a skinny white man who doesn’t really care if I live or die! This is seriously my Lady Bird moment. Before this, he was talking my ear off about how the War in Afghanistan wasn’t real and...

A happy-looking man outside.

Looks Like “He” Is A “She”!
By
A Movie Character Whose Dog Unexpectedly Gave Birth At The End Of The Movie

Hot dog! My dog’s a girl! Well, how about that? I could’ve sworn our beagle, George, was a boy, but it looks like she’s not! I can’t believe I didn’t notice until now. Guys, you’ve got to check this out. Look at all the cute little...

A woman standing condescendingly.

I Saw Your Ex On Tinder
By
A Monster Posing As Your Friend

Hey, it’s good to see you! How have you been doing? I know getting abruptly dumped has been a lot for you to deal with lately. Wait, speaking of which, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but my friend was swiping on Tinder the other day and...

My Senior Thing
By
Al Shumyatcher

If this image is good enough for my official WhatsApp profile, it’s good enough for the world—ahh, I mean the Every Three Weekly! My fingers are too long… This was suggested to me as the title of a poem about unrequited love when I shared in...

Brian Robson

You Should Transfer
By
Brian Robson

Some mean seniors told me my freshman year that I should transfer schools. They said I would never get good enough grades to go to med school if I stayed at Michigan. I thought they were pessimistic. But they were right, I don’t have the...