Look, I get it. It’s the new year, it’s 2019. The last one sucked for a lot of folks, and they’re looking to make some changes. Not ol’ Gary though, no sir. I’ve been doing the Gary thing just about my whole life by this point, and...
As members of historically oppressed minorities, we finally believe it’s time to formally protest this nation and the glaring neglect of its citizens with subpar bootstraps. Marginalization is tough, but we speak for all our downtrodden brethren...
Oh, fuck yeah. Now I’ve got you. You didn’t mean to catch my eye, but you did. You thought you could just stroll across the Diag without involving yourself in this uncomfortable social exchange, then you saw me in my huge coat and hat with too...
So, I just found out that the Every Three Weekly is supposed to be a satire newspaper. I don’t know what to say. I’ve been writing for this paper since my freshman year, yet I was never informed about this? When I read my first issue of the...
Hey, son! I know every year, around this time, that holiday cheer starts to pick up and you start writing your list for Christmas. I know you’re already excited to run downstairs and break open those gifts waiting for you, but before you start...
He has given up the ghost, breathed his last, kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, and left us to be with the great camel in the sky. How sad it is, that a being of such talent and such tenacity was taken from us so early, before he had...
It’s completely normal that two roommates would share some things, but with that agreement comes an expectation of a little courtesy and decorum. When I was missing a spoon or two at first, it didn’t really matter to me. Maybe you had one, and...