Hey! Long time no talk! Remember me? I know we didn’t connect much in high school, but I’ve changed a lot since then. I didn’t know that you partied either! Didn’t see you at too many parties back then. Wonder if it had anything to do with...
The time has come. How long have I lingered here, watching as the masses flock to the Union building, blindly accepting the services it promises? Agonizing over why its U-go’s is so much more popular than my U-go’s? Wracking my mind over why...
The time I spent on this paper was the best of my life. Same thing with you, Dana, but all good things must come to an end. I thank you for your support, and all you’ve taught me. Again, this goes for you and the staff, Dana. Just know that I love...
Sara Lebow graduated peacefully in her sleep surrounded by E3W staff. She will be remembered for being the second hottest member of the paper and for getting offended by her own front page headlines literally every time. Sara is survived by her two...
The E3W has several worthy enemies: the Ross School of Business, Elon Musk, and “Instagram Poet” Rupi Kaur included. Despite the success of her first collection, Milk and Honey, I believe her odds of usurping me in a one-on-one cage match are...
As my time as a University of Michigan student comes to a close, I feel nostalgic yet excited for what the future holds: me developing an impossibly idealized view of my college years. I know I’ll look back fondly on late nights at Pizza House...
I swear to god if Joseph Clemente stays on this paper it’s fine. But you’ll lose me. You can keep his consistent humor and his adorable haircut, but I’m not staying around to see how it ends. Oh? What’s that? Him?!