Mom, Can You Come Pick Me Up, There’s People Drinking Here
By
A Freshman At His First Frat Party

Mom, remember how you said to call you in case of emergency? Well I really don’t think it’s safe here. They’re drinking beer, and wine, and other things, and I really need you to come pick me up. I honestly don’t even think the parents are...

Oh You’re A Comedian? Tell Me A Joke!
By
The Worst Person Ever

Hey there! How’s it going? I may have heard through the grapevine that you are somewhat of a professional comedian. If this indeed is your true occupation, make me laugh, funny man! You see, I know what a comedian is. I understand the provisions...

It Sure Is Cold Out There
By
The Guy Standing In The Elevator With You

What floor? No problem. Well, boy it sure is freezing out there today. You’ll definitely want to bundle up for this one. It’s not just the low temperature, but the wind that gets ya. I heard from the weather guy that it’s supposed to be down...

Sometimes Things Are Exactly As They Seem
By
A Detective Who Wants To Be Home For Jeopardy

In this job, you always need to follow your gut. You need to sniff out every clue. Leave no stone unturned. Consider every possible outcome. If you make one mistake, you might put the wrong man behind bars. Sometimes this attention to detail will...

Don’t Tread On Me
By
The Diag M

You might think that I’m just some stone, no different from any other piece of mason. But I’m different. Oh, I’m different. Because if you step on me I’ll curse you. That’s right, a curse! So don’t tread on me punk! If you tread on me...

It’s A Metaphor, You See
By
A Trenchcoated Man Flipping A Nickel On A Street Corner

Hey stranger, I’m glad I caught your eye. You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here, on the corner of Washington and Main, flipping a nickel alone. That’s what you’re wondering right? I could tell by the flicker in your eyes. See, the...

New Year, Same Old Gary
By
Gary

Look, I get it. It’s the new year, it’s 2019. The last one sucked for a lot of folks, and they’re looking to make some changes. Not ol’ Gary though, no sir. I’ve been doing the Gary thing just about my whole life by this point, and...