I Can’t Wait To Romanticize This Period Of My Life
Danielle Vanzura

As my time as a University of Michigan student comes to a close, I feel nostalgic yet excited for what the future holds: me developing an impossibly idealized view of my college years. I know I’ll look back fondly on late nights at Pizza House...

Either Joseph Clemente Goes Or I Do!
Suzy Weiss

I swear to god if Joseph Clemente stays on this paper it’s fine. But you’ll lose me. You can keep his consistent humor and his adorable haircut, but I’m not staying around to see how it ends. Oh? What’s that? Him?!

For The Bored Custodian
Ismael Halaweh

90% of the issues we print go to waste. I used to deliver these puppies, and can tell you almost no one reads a physical copy anymore unless it is shoved in their face on the Diag. Print media is dead; most of our readership is online now anyways....

My Formal Resignation
Alex Haab

About three weeks ago, our editors created a Buzzfeed quiz that asked, “Which editor of ‘The Every Three Weekly’ are you?” I know that if I were an editor, I would be none other than Ismael Halaweh, and this is a fact. I said to...