Have You Heard Of ‘The Big Lebowski?’
A Man About To Explain The Entire Plot

I don’t know if you’re into classic cinema at all, but there’s this great film called “The Big Lebowski” that might be my favorite of all time. Have you heard of it? It’s this wild comedy with Jeff Bridges as this guy who just like,...

Remember, Everyone, We’re Guests Here
A 5th Grade Teacher On A Field Trip

Listen up, everyone. Please quiet down. Now, before we explore the museum I need everyone to remember that we are guests here. We do not own this place. We’re no longer in the classroom. That means we have to respect this place and behave...

And You Called Me A Bad Year

Well, well, well. What do we have here? Oh, I remember you. You’re the one who tweeted, “2016 is the worst year in history. Fuck this shit.” I believe you even added a few weeping emoticons to drive the point home. I don’t recall what made...

Condescending, cocky looking man

You’re So Funny For A Girl
A Man With No Female Friends

Hey, I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but I think you’re really funny for a girl. Usually girls are just kinda buzzkills or they don’t have a good sense of humor, but you really seem like you get it. I have to say, I’m pretty...

Resolved and confident woman looking at reader

You’re A Total Virgo
A Total Bitch

You’re such a Virgo! You’re so analytical, practical, and loyal. I bet that makes you a total pain in the ass for fantasy football. Are you bullied often? Most Virgos are, it’s just written in the stars for you! When I saw you mess up your...

A sad-looking duck

Why Are You Being So Mean To Me?
A Lame Duck

Hey! What the hell, guys? Why on earth are you calling Congress and the president a “lame duck” right now? You think that’s funny? It’s actually pretty hurtful! I’ll have you know that I had my leg permanently damaged by a piece of...