Look How The Tables Have Turned Motherfuckers
By
Wilton Speight

Well, well, well, look what we have here. I bet after John O’Korn’s performance the past few weeks you’re wishing my whole spine hadn’t cracked in half. Now you’re realizing Coach Harbaugh didn’t just put me in at first string because I...

Dude, I Really Like Your Shoes
By
That Guy Down The Hall You Can't Get A Read On

Dude, I really like your shoes. Honestly, most of the shoes you rock are pretty bomb. You must have a shoe guy or something, haha. Nah, I’m just kidding. I know you don’t have a shoe guy. But if you do actually have a shoe guy, could you shoot...

These Retractable Pens Sure Are Neat-O
By
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos

A lot of people like to bring up that in all my years of education activism in Michigan and around the country that I never actually set foot in a public school. These claims are just untrue. In fact, I just went to one of our nation’s intercity...

The Real Spirit Of Halloween Was Inside Us All Along
By
By A Jack O’Lantern

Inside each of us there exists a spark, a flame burning bright, igniting our spooking, goopy cores. This, I believe, is the spirit of Halloween. This flickering spirit exists inside each and every one of us. While we keep firm smiles pasted on our...

Gimme The Blue
By
A Middle Schooler Grabbing Ice Pops Out Of A Cooler

Booyah! Snack time baby! What do we have here? Oh yeah look at that cooler, Connor’s mom is not messing around. Blue! Blue! Gimme the blue one please. I love blue, it’s my favorite. I know it’s everyone’s favorite, but it’s my favorite the...