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Jim Harbaugh at a press conference

Harbaugh Promises Fans That Losses Won’t Affect Michigan’s Basketball Rankings

Despite his team’s struggles this season, football coach Jim Harbaugh recently reassured fans that the football team’s losses this year won’ taffect Michigan’s basketball rankings. “Our loss against Penn State may have looked bad on paper....

  • Dec 18, 2020
Mike Tyson, shirtless, standing menacingly in a mall

Mike Tyson Embarrassed After Massive Boxing Day Mix-Up

Sources have confirmed that boxer Mike Tyson is humiliated after mistaking Boxing Day for the day of his match against opponent Roy Jones Jr. Witnesses in Toronto report seeing a confused Mike Tyson show up to Eaton Centre shopping mall on December...

  • Dec 18, 2020
To sports announcer, one looking very excited and one looking more impartial

NFL Announcer Seems Little Too Excited After Witnessing Season-Ending Spinal Injury

After linebacker Chris Parlan suffered a potentially career ending spinal injury during lastSunday’s game, NFL announcer Troy Aikman appeared to be disturbingly enthusiastic after witnessing the hit. “I’ll tell ya, Joe, you just don’t see...

  • Nov 20, 2020
A man in a judges robe blocking a pass by a man in a suit.

Federal Judge Blocks Attempted Pass On Basketball Court

Sources confirm that Justice Benjamin Grant Coleman of the United States 6th Circuit Court of Appeals blocked a request by attorney Jean Laramie to make a pass to her client, Martin Wilkerson, in a game of basketball. In a ruling handed down...

  • Nov 19, 2020
Tom Brady Swept Away In Hurricane

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Lose Tom Brady For Season After Hurricane Washes Him Out To Sea

Sources have confirmed that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers experienced an unexpected loss today after new quarterback Tom Brady was washed out to sea after his first encounter with a hurricane. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Bruce Arians reported...

  • Oct 8, 2020

Area Man Counting Getting Off Couch As One Sit-Up

Local man, David Olsen, has decided the effort he exerted getting off his couch just now “definitely counts as one sit up.” Sources say Olsen, an insurance adjuster, first sat down after coming home from work....

  • Oct 21, 2019

USA Track And Field To Replace Hurdles With Landmines

In order to uphold its high standards of integrity and athletic excellence, USA Track And Field announced that it would be replacing all hurdles in its hurdling events with landmines.  “Unlike other sports,...

  • Oct 21, 2019
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