Dear Student Who’s About to Find Out He Got Deferred,
I’m a freshman now in my second semester at the University and I love it here. I’ve met lots of new friends, but I really want a relationship right now. I met an awesome girl at a party recently, but she goes to school an hour away. Is it worth risking all I have going on here to pursue a relationship with her, or should I wait for someone closer to come along?
-Torn Between Two Towns
Dear Torn,
Hey Mom, what’s up? Yeah, I’m on my way home right now, why? What? It’s here? Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God. And it actually says University of Michigan on it, right? I don’t want this to be that Michigan Tech fiasco all over again where I got all worked up over nothing. Okay, so you say it’s definitely from Michigan? Wow. Just give me a minute here. So help me God Mom, if you’re messing with me, I am NOT taking Shannon to her soccer practice later today. All right I’ll be home in like five minutes. Just wait until I get back so I can open it myself, okay? Actually, I don’t know if I can open it by myself. Just open it and read it to me right now? Okay. I’m ready, go ahead…Wait. Wait! I changed my mind!
Dear Student Who’s About to Find Out He Got Deferred,
I’m here on scholarship for lacrosse, but I feel like it’s taking up too much of my time. I want to go to law school someday, but my sports schedule is so demanding that my grades are slipping. My father is dead set on me going pro, and if I quit the team not only will he be disappointed, I’d also have to take out loans to continue going to school. Should I follow my dreams of being a lawyer or suck it up and obey my dad?
-Unhappy Athlete
Dear Unhappy Athlete,
Okay where is it? Just show it to me…Of course I’m out of breath, I just sprinted all the way here from the cul-de-sac. No I don’t want to take a few minutes to calm down, this is my future we’re talking about here! Look, I know I’m red and sweaty, I was literally just running. Christ Mom, no I really don’t think I have a fever. Alright, sorry, I know this is your house. I won’t use His name in vain again. I’m just nervous. I know you think I’m the smartest guy in the world, but, no offense, a mom’s opinion doesn’t count a whole lot when it comes to college admissions. Well okay, I know I’m not an admissions counselor but I’m still pretty sure…look, could you just get me the letter?
Dear Student Who’s About to Find Out He Got Deferred,
I’m starting to worry about a friend of mine. We both like to party, but he tried marijuana lately and now it seems like he does nothing else. He spends nearly all of his weekly paycheck on bud and I see him light up about three times a day. I’ve tried expressing my concerns but he says that since his grades are fine and pot isn’t addictive anyway, there’s no problem. Am I being too paranoid or do my fears have some merit to them?
-Dazed and Concerned
Dear Dazed,
Hmm, thinner than I expected. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything though, right? Everything’s electronic these days. They probably don’t send out those big admission envelopes anymore. When you think about it, that’s actually very environmentally friendly of them. Okay. I’m gonna open it now. Let’s see: “Dear Mr. Sloan, We appreciate your interest…we regret to inform you…multiple qualified candidates…deferral of admission…” Shit. What? No, I did not just say the ‘s’ word, Mom. I said, “That’s it.” Well, I mean I know some kid got in last year off the waitlist after making that video where he changed the lyrics to that one Jackson 5 song, but how am I going to compete with that? Fire up the minivan, head to Best Buy to get a camcorder and a karaoke machine, and send in a parody of “Black or White” called “Maize or Blue”? Wait. Actually, that sounds pretty good. C’mon, let’s go show the admissions committee how a real man covers a song by the King of Pop.
Originally published: February 2013
